When couples arrive for a two-day intensive with me, I always begin by asking a simple question:

“How does it feel to be here right now, before we’ve even started?”

Not long ago, a woman looked at me and said without hesitation: “I’m dreading it.”

This was a long-standing, conflict-avoidant marriage. Difficult conversations had been swept aside for years. The husband and wife both carried heavy stories in silence. And walking into the room with me, she was bracing herself for two long days she wasn’t sure she could endure.

And yet—by the end of the second day, her words had completely shifted. She smiled through tears and said: “I’m so glad I came.”

That moment captures the heart of why I do this work: in just two days, couples can experience something profoundly different than what they thought possible.

Why the Intensive Works

Traditional hourly therapy often doesn’t allow couples to go deep enough. By the time someone warms up, the clock is almost out. Important issues get postponed, and progress stalls.

A two-day intensive is different. It’s immersive, highly focused, and structured so that couples can do real work—not just talk about doing it.

Before we meet, each partner fills out five in-depth questionnaires. I study these closely, looking for:

  • Patterns of being stuck that keep showing up.
  • Unresolved significant events that still create pain.
  • Personal histories that shaped the way each person approaches conflict.
  • The missing skills that have prevented repair.

By the time we begin, I already have a clear map of where the couple is struggling and what’s most important for them to learn.

Whether you join me in Seattle, Washington, the process is the same: deeply personalized, highly structured, and designed to create breakthrough moments.

Learning a Different Way to Talk

The structure of the intensive teaches couples to do something radically different: to talk about difficult issues in a new way.

Most couples fight about the same topics over and over. Esther Perel often says couples really fight about 3 or 4 things repeatedly.  Power and control, care and closeness, respect and recognition and trust.  These themes show up in different forms. These could be about money, sex, parenting or household r responsibilities.  But underneath the argument circle the same core needs and those needs are rarely spoken directly.  instead, they show up in protest, withdrawal or blame.

During an intensive, I help partners:

  • Slow down enough to discover what they’re really fighting for.
  • Practice listening in ways that create understanding, not defensiveness.
  • Learn to identify and express vulnerable feelings instead of hiding behind protest and withdrawal.

And because we have two full days, there’s enough time to practice again and again. That repetition builds confidence and allows the new way of relating to sink in.

Couples who travel to see me in Seattle often share how being away from their daily routines makes it easier to focus. In, the warm, open landscape creates its own sense of calm and possibility. Both locations provide the space couples need to step out of old patterns and step into something new.

A Different Experience

By the end of the intensive, couples often describe having a totally new experience of each other and themselves. For some, it’s the first time they’ve felt truly heard. For others, it’s the first time they’ve been able to share something vulnerable without it escalating into another fight.

That’s what happened with the conflict-avoidant couple who walked in with dread. They left with hope and a new vision for their marriage. They could see possibility where they once only saw dead ends.

The Developmental Model

I work from the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy, which views conflict as an opportunity for growth. In this model, being “stuck” isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a signal that there are skills to learn and ways to grow.

When partners have the right structure, guidance, and support, they can change how they relate to each other. They can move beyond patterns that may have lasted for years.

That’s why a two-day intensive is so powerful: it creates the safety, focus, and time to make this growth possible.

From Dread to Hope

If you’re considering whether a two-day intensive might help your relationship, know this: you don’t have to come in feeling hopeful. Many couples walk in with dread, fear, or doubt. What matters is being willing to show up.

Because when you do, change is possible. Hope is possible. A new vision for your marriage is possible.

✨ I offer intensives in both and Seattle, Washington. Whether you’re nearby or traveling in, both locations provide a private, supportive space where deep change can happen. If you’d like to learn more about my intensives or explore whether this format might be right for you, I invite you to reach out. Sometimes the hardest step is simply deciding to begin.