A gap in sexual desire is a more common issue with couples than people tend to realize. One partner wants more physical closeness. The other wants less, or wants it differently.

When couples come to me feeling stuck, they almost always start the same way. They tell me they have tried everything. They have read the books, practiced the "I feel" statements, and scheduled the weekly check-ins.

We tend to measure the health of a relationship by how quietly it runs. Couples who rarely argue are often held up as the ideal, while raised voices or frequent friction get read as a warning sign that something is fundamentally broken.

When a partner discovers infidelity, we often talk about the aftermath in familiar terms. Heartbreak. Betrayal. A decision about whether to stay or go. But what actually happens in the body is far more disruptive than sadness and anger.

When a partner becomes emotionally distant, the instinct is to pursue them. To track the silences, push harder for connection, and to say things that sound like feedback but land like accusations.

One of the things I hear most often from couples is: "We've never really ...